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MOVIEPIQ · RELATIONAL MOMENTS

Films for When You Love Who Someone Used to Be

Every film here was picked because it works for when loving someone across a version of themselves that no longer exists. The editorial team picks for emotional honesty over comfort or spectacle.

Films for loving who someone was. The person they are now is different, and the version you loved exists only inside you.

You love them. You love who they were, which is a slightly different thing, and the gap between those two statements is where you spend most of your time. The person they were lives very clearly in your memory, specific and intact, and you return there the way you return to old films: deliberately, for the feeling it produces. The nostalgia is manufactured and you know it and you do it anyway. There is no clean word for loving a version of someone that only exists now inside you. These films were made for people who understand that some of the most real things are the ones that are gone.

Nostalgia movie poster
1
1983 · 124min · ★★★★☆ 7.6/10

Russian poet Andrei Gorchakov journeys through Italy with his interpreter Eugenia to research the life of an 18th-century Russian composer who once lived abroad. Isolated and consumed by an unrelenting longing for his homeland, Andrei becomes drawn to Domenico, a radical mystic o

It holds a register of warmth that belongs to an earlier time. Close enough to the feeling you're reaching for that you can borrow it for a while.

Safe to go backward

The Lion King movie poster
2
1994 · 89min · ★★★★☆ 7.5/10

Young lion prince Simba, eager to one day become king of the Pride Lands, grows up under the watchful eye of his father Mufasa; all the while his villainous uncle Scar conspires to take the throne for himself. Amid betrayal and tragedy, Simba must confront his past and find his r

The texture of this film is familiar in the way old photographs are familiar. It gives you somewhere to put the tenderness that has nowhere else to go.

Holds the past carefully

Scarface movie poster
3
1983 · 170min · ★★★☆☆ 6.4/10

After getting a green card in exchange for assassinating a Cuban government official, Tony Montana stakes a claim on the drug trade in Miami. Viciously murdering anyone who stands in his way, Tony eventually becomes the biggest drug lord in the state, controlling nearly all the c

It goes backward in the right way. Not nostalgic for nostalgia's sake, but honest about what it felt like when the thing you're missing was still there.

Warmth without demand

Once Upon a Time in America movie poster
4
1984 · 229min · ★★★★☆ 7.8/10

A former Prohibition-era Jewish gangster returns to the Lower East Side of Manhattan over thirty years later, where he once again must confront the ghosts and regrets of his old life.

The warmth of this film is specific and it is real and it doesn't require you to explain why you needed it.

Real enough to borrow

The films that follow lean into the texture of memory. They know what you are looking for in the past.

The Silence of the Lambs movie poster
5
1991 · 119min · ★★★★☆ 7.9/10

Clarice Starling is a top student at the FBI's training academy. Jack Crawford wants Clarice to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter, a brilliant psychiatrist who is also a violent psychopath, serving life behind bars for various acts of murder and cannibalism. Crawford believes that

It holds a register of warmth that belongs to an earlier time. Close enough to the feeling you're reaching for that you can borrow it for a while.

Safe to go backward

Rain Man movie poster
6
1988 · 134min · ★★★★☆ 8.5/10

When car dealer Charlie Babbitt learns that his estranged father has died, he returns home to Cincinnati, where he discovers that he has a savant older brother named Raymond and that his father's $3 million fortune is being left to the mental institution in which Raymond lives. M

The texture of this film is familiar in the way old photographs are familiar. It gives you somewhere to put the tenderness that has nowhere else to go.

Holds the past carefully

Cinema Paradiso movie poster
7
1988 · 124min · ★★★★☆ 8.3/10

A filmmaker recalls his childhood, when he fell in love with the movies at his village's theater and formed a deep friendship with the theater's projectionist.

It goes backward in the right way. Not nostalgic for nostalgia's sake, but honest about what it felt like when the thing you're missing was still there.

Warmth without demand

Close-Up movie poster
8
1990 · 98min · ★★★★☆ 7.7/10

This fiction-documentary hybrid uses a sensational real-life event:the arrest of a young man on charges that he fraudulently impersonated the well-known filmmaker Mohsen Makhmalbaf:as the basis for a stunning, multilayered investigation into movies, identity, artistic creation, a

The warmth of this film is specific and it is real and it doesn't require you to explain why you needed it.

Real enough to borrow

Stand by Me movie poster
9
1986 · 89min · ★★★★☆ 7.9/10

After learning that a boy their age has been accidentally killed near their rural homes, four boys decide to go see the body. Gordie, Vern, Chris, and Teddy encounter a mean junk man and a marsh full of leeches, but they also learn more about one another and their very different

It holds a register of warmth that belongs to an earlier time. Close enough to the feeling you're reaching for that you can borrow it for a while.

Safe to go backward

Eat Drink Man Woman movie poster
10
1994 · 123min · ★★★★☆ 8.1/10

Retired and widowed Chinese master chef Chu lives in modern day Taipei, with his three attractive daughters, all of whom are unattached. Soon, each daughter encounters a new man in their lives. When these new relationships blossom, stereotypes are broken and the living situation

The texture of this film is familiar in the way old photographs are familiar. It gives you somewhere to put the tenderness that has nowhere else to go.

Holds the past carefully

The Shawshank Redemption movie poster
11
1994 · 142min · ★★★☆☆ 6.7/10

Imprisoned in the 1940s for the double murder of his wife and her lover, upstanding banker Andy Dufresne begins a new life at the Shawshank prison, where he puts his accounting skills to work for an amoral warden. During his long stretch in prison, Dufresne comes to be admired by

It goes backward in the right way. Not nostalgic for nostalgia's sake, but honest about what it felt like when the thing you're missing was still there.

Warmth without demand

Léon: The Professional movie poster
12
1994 · 111min · ★★★★☆ 8.5/10

Léon, the top hit man in New York, has earned a rep as an effective "cleaner". But when his next-door neighbors are wiped out by a loose-cannon DEA agent, he becomes the unwilling custodian of 12-year-old Mathilda. Before long, Mathilda's thoughts turn to revenge, and she conside

The warmth of this film is specific and it is real and it doesn't require you to explain why you needed it.

Real enough to borrow

You can't go back. You can get close. These are close.

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