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MOVIEPIQ · RELATIONAL MOMENTS

Films for When You Love Someone Who Cannot Love Themselves

Every film here was picked because it works for when loving someone who doesnt love themselves. The editorial team picks for emotional honesty over comfort or spectacle.

Films for when you love someone who deflects it, minimizes it, or disappears exactly when you get close.

You have the thing held at the right distance. Close enough to know it's real, far enough that it can't touch you directly, and the irony is the tool that maintains the gap. It is a legitimate coping mechanism and it has served you well and these films know how to work with it rather than against it. They will find you anyway, not by breaking through the detachment but by sliding in underneath it, the way the real things always do when you've gotten too good at keeping them out.

My Life as a Zucchini movie poster
1
2016 · 66min · ★★★★☆ 7.5/10

After his mother’s death, Zucchini is befriended by a kind police officer, Raymond, who accompanies him to his new foster home filled with other orphans his age. There, with the help of his newfound friends, Zucchini eventually learns to trust and love as he searches for a new fa

Smart enough to hold at arm's length while still doing something real. You can stay behind the glass and it will still find you.

Keeps the distance

Sound of Metal movie poster
2
2020 · 121min · ★★★★☆ 8.0/10

Metal drummer Ruben begins to lose his hearing. When a doctor tells him his condition will worsen, he thinks his career and life is over. His girlfriend Lou checks the former addict into a rehab for the deaf hoping it will prevent a relapse and help him adapt to his new life. Aft

It knows what you are doing and does not make you feel bad about it. The irony is part of the furniture here.

Smart enough to hold

Gabriel's Inferno: Part II movie poster
3
2020 · 106min · ★★★☆☆ 7.3/10

Professor Gabriel Emerson finally learns the truth about Julia Mitchell's identity, but his realization comes a moment too late. Julia is done waiting for the well-respected Dante specialist to remember her and wants nothing more to do with him. Can Gabriel win back her heart bef

The film has enough wit to keep your defenses comfortable and enough truth to slip through anyway.

Finds the gap anyway

CODA movie poster
4
2021 · 112min · ★★★★☆ 7.9/10

As a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults), Ruby is the only hearing person in her deaf family. When the family's fishing business is threatened, Ruby finds herself torn between pursuing her love of music and her fear of abandoning her parents.

It will not break through the detachment. It will just remind you, quietly, that the detachment is sitting on something.

Works with the coat on

Smart enough to hold the distance. True enough to find the gap in it anyway.

Redeeming Love movie poster
5
2022 · 134min · ★★★☆☆ 7.3/10

A young couple's relationship clashes with the harsh realities of the California Gold Rush of 1850. Angel, experiencing love for the first time and facing demons unsurmountable, runs from the new life she doesn't believe she deserves. When Michael sets out to find her, Angel disc

Smart enough to hold at arm's length while still doing something real. You can stay behind the glass and it will still find you.

Keeps the distance

Gabriel's Inferno movie poster
6
2020 · 122min · ★★★★☆ 8.2/10

An intriguing and sinful exploration of seduction, forbidden love, and redemption, Gabriel's Inferno is a captivating and wildly passionate tale of one man's escape from his own personal hell as he tries to earn the impossible--forgiveness and love.

It knows what you are doing and does not make you feel bad about it. The irony is part of the furniture here.

Smart enough to hold

The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie poster
7
2012 · 103min · ★★★★☆ 7.7/10

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 1991. High school freshman Charlie is a wallflower, always watching life from the sidelines, until two senior students, Sam and her stepbrother Patrick, become his mentors, helping him discover the joys of friendship, music and love.

The film has enough wit to keep your defenses comfortable and enough truth to slip through anyway.

Finds the gap anyway

The Wind Rises movie poster
8
2013 · 126min · ★★★★☆ 8.3/10

A lifelong love of flight inspires Japanese aviation engineer Jiro Horikoshi, whose storied career includes the creation of the A-6M World War II fighter plane.

It will not break through the detachment. It will just remind you, quietly, that the detachment is sitting on something.

Works with the coat on

20th Century Girl movie poster
9
2022 · 119min · ★★★★☆ 7.6/10

In 1999, a teen girl keeps close tabs on a boy in school on behalf of her deeply smitten best friend - then she gets swept up in a love story of her own.

Smart enough to hold at arm's length while still doing something real. You can stay behind the glass and it will still find you.

Keeps the distance

Lucy Shimmers and the Prince of Peace movie poster
10
2020 · 87min · ★★★★☆ 8.2/10

Second chances start when a hardened criminal crosses paths with a precocious little girl who is helped by an angel to change hearts during the holiday season.

It knows what you are doing and does not make you feel bad about it. The irony is part of the furniture here.

Smart enough to hold

Love, Simon movie poster
11
2018 · 110min · ★★★★☆ 7.8/10

Everyone deserves a great love story, but for 17-year-old Simon Spier, it's a little more complicated. He hasn't told his family or friends that he's gay, and he doesn't know the identity of the anonymous classmate that he's fallen for online.

The film has enough wit to keep your defenses comfortable and enough truth to slip through anyway.

Finds the gap anyway

Five Feet Apart movie poster
12
2019 · 116min · ★★★★☆ 8.1/10

Seventeen-year-old Stella spends most of her time in the hospital as a cystic fibrosis patient. Her life is full of routines, boundaries and self-control : all of which get put to the test when she meets Will, an impossibly charming teen who has the same illness. There's an insta

It will not break through the detachment. It will just remind you, quietly, that the detachment is sitting on something.

Works with the coat on

You can stay behind the glass. They'll find you anyway.

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